Analysis of the Holy Bible (King James Version)
Holy Bible
Channeled Song: “Unholy” by Sam Smith featuring Kim Petras
Interpretation: The premise of this book being about what King Henry VIII was willing to do to conceive an heir.
The Old Testament
Channeled Song: “Desperado” by Eagles
Interpretation: Being desperate to conceive an heir.
Genesis
Channeled Song: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” by Backstreet Boys
Interpretation: Genesis being an acronym for “Get Everybody Now Except Sister In School.”
Exodus
Channeled Song: “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo
Interpretation: Being kicked out of Egypt.
Leviticus
Channeled Song: “Rise” by Herb Alpert
Interpretation: Jesus’ rise to fame.
Numbers
Channeled Song: “Eat It” by “Weird Al” Yankovic
Interpretation: Numbers being an acronym for “Never Underestimate Man Bringing Everyone Real Snacks.”
Deuteronomy
Channeled Song: “Reasons” by Earth, Wind & Fire
Interpretation: Not doing something due to astronomy.
Joshua
Channeled Song: “Bossy” by Kelis
Interpretation: Joshua being an acronym for “Jesus Ordered Someone Having Useless Alibi.”
Judges
Channeled Song: “All Rise” by Blue
Interpretation: People who judged Jesus.
Ruth
Channeled Song: “Hide and Seek” by Five Star
Interpretation: Ruth being an acronym for “Ran Under The House.”
1 Samuel
Channeled Song: “Who Are You” by The Who
Interpretation: An illegitimate son.
2 Samuel
Channeled Song: “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child
Interpretation: Two illegitimate children with the same name.
1 Kings
Channeled Song: “Royals” by Lorde
Interpretation: Jesus really being the son of a king.
2 Kings
Channeled Song: “True” by Spandau Ballet
Interpretation: Reiterating this statement.
1 Chronicles
Channeled Song: “99 Problems” by JAŸ-Z
Interpretation: The problems of being a king.
2 Chronicles
Channeled Song: “More, More, More” by Andrea True Connection
Interpretation: More problems of being a king.
Ezra
Channeled Song: “Bedtime Story” by Sheila E.
Interpretation: Ezra being an acronym for “Every Zoo Reads Aloud.”
Nehemiah
Channeled Song: “Yesterday” by The Beatles
Interpretation: Trying to forget the past.
Esther
Channeled Song: “Leave Me Alone” by Michael Jackson
Interpretation: Someone almost being seen as an active pest.
Job
Channeled Song: “Money, Money, Money” by ABBA
Interpretation: Job being an acronym for “Just Over Broke.”
Psalms
Channeled Song: “Rude” by MAGIC!
Interpretation: Psalms being an acronym for “People Said A Lot of Mean Stuff.”
Proverbs
Channeled Song: “Lies” by Jonathan Butler
Interpretation: Writing down complaints in a positive way.
Ecclesiastes
Channeled Song: “Reproduction” by Tab Hunter
Interpretation: Ecclesiastes meaning both eggs and testicles.
Song of Solomon
Channeled Song: “Come” by Prince
Interpretation: An advertisement for the upcoming Shakespeare play, “Othello.”
Isaiah
Channeled Song: “Rude” by MAGIC!
Interpretation: Isaiah being an acronym for “I See An Idiot At Home.”
Jeremiah
Channeled Song: “Toxic” by Britney Spears
Interpretation: Jeremiah being an acronym for “Jesus Expected Reading Every Morning In A House.”
Lamentations
Channeled Song: “Another Sad Love Song” by Toni Braxton
Interpretation: Lamenting about being single.
Ezekiel
Channeled Song: “Follow Me” by Uncle Kracker
Interpretation: Ezekiel being an acronym for “Every Zoo Expects Kids In Every Line.”
Daniel
Channeled Song: “River” by Bishop Briggs
Interpretation: The Nile.
Hosea
Channeled Song: “Water” by Tyla
Interpretation: The whole sea.
Joel
Channeled Song: “Only You (And You Alone)” by The Platters
Interpretation: Joel being an acronym for “Jesus Over Everyone Living.”
Amos
Channeled Song: “Popular” by Ariana Grande
Interpretation: Almost famous.
Obadiah
Channeled Song: “Unholy” by Sam Smith featuring Kim Petras
Interpretation: Obadiah being an acronym for “Our Brother Asked Dad If A Heathen.”
Jonah
Channeled Song: “Our House” by Madness
Interpretation: Jonah being an acronym for “Jesus Of Nazareth At Home.”
Micah
Channeled Song: “Mary, Mary” by Run-D.M.C.
Interpretation: Micah being an acronym for “Mary In Charge At Home.”
Nahum
Channeled Song: “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child
Interpretation: People afraid to use Jesus’ name in the Old Testament.
Habakkuk
Channeled Song: “Cruel to Be Kind” by Nick Lowe
Interpretation: Habakkuk being an acronym for “Hebrews Are Bringing A King’s Kid Under Kindly.”
Zephaniah
Channeled Song: “In My House” by Mary Jane Girls
Interpretation: Zephaniah being an acronym for “Zoos Expected Parents to Have A Nanny In A House.”
Haggai
Channeled Song: “Innocent” by Alexander O’Neal
Interpretation: Haggai being an acronym for “Have A Girl Get An Inspection.”
Zechariah
Channeled Song: “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo
Interpretation: Zechariah being an acronym for “Zoos Expected Children Having A Reader In A House.”
Malachi
Channeled Song: “Hot for Teacher” by Van Halen
Interpretation: Malachi being an acronym for “Make A Lady Ask Children Home Instead.”
The New Testament
Channeled Song: “One Moment In Time” by Whitney Houston
Interpretation: Referring to a very specific time in history.
Saint Matthew
Channeled Song: “LOYALTY.” by Kendrick Lamar
Interpretation: Proving his loyalty to Jesus.
Saint Mark
Channeled Song: “Truth Is” by Fantasia
Interpretation: Telling the truth as he remembered it.
Saint Luke
Channeled Song: “All Rise” by Blue
Interpretation: Being called to testify.
Saint John
Channeled Song: “Same Song” by Digital Underground
Interpretation: Repeating what Luke said.
Acts
Channeled Song: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” by Backstreet Boys
Interpretation: Acts being an acronym for “All Christians Took Stand”.
Romans
Channeled Song: “Toxic” by Britney Spears
Interpretation: Romans being an acronym for “Requested Our Money And New Socks.”
1 Corinthians
Channeled Song: “One Wish” by Ray J
Interpretation: Corinthians being an acronym for “Can Our Readers Interpret New Things In At Noon, Sir?”
2 Corinthians
Channeled Song: “Same Song” by Digital Underground
Interpretation: Same as above.
Galatians
Channeled Song: “Rumour Has It” by Adele
Interpretation: Galatians being an acronym for “Girls Are Letting All Teachers In At Night, Sir.”
Ephesians
Channeled Song: “Rude” by MAGIC!
Interpretation: Ephesians being an acronym for “Everyone Put His Expectations Second In A New School.”
Philippians
Channeled Song: “Eat It” by “Weird Al” Yankovic
Interpretation: People coming to court because they know they’ll be served food.
Colossians
Channeled Song: “Amazed” by Lonestar
Interpretation: Amazed at the size of the crowd.
1 Thessalonians
Channeled Song: “Freedom” by Wham!
Interpretation: Thessalonians being an acronym for “They Had Everyone Sit Silently And Listen to Over Nine Instructors And Nine Sermons.”
2 Thessalonians
Channeled Song: “Same Song” by Digital Underground
Interpretation: Same as above.
1 Timothy
Channeled Song: “Help!” by The Beatles
Interpretation: An altar boy pleading for help.
2 Timothy
Channeled Song: “Release Me” by Wilson Phillips
Interpretation: Wanting to be released from the seminary.
Titus
Channeled Song: “I Wish” by R. Kelly
Interpretation: Titus being an acronym for “Take It To Us Soon.”
Philemon
Channeled Song: “Fill Me In” by Craig David
Interpretation: People unable to attend the trials asking to be filled in.
Hebrews
Channeled Song: “Black Coffee” by Heavy D & The Boyz
Interpretation: Serving coffee at the trials.
James
Channeled Song: “Royals” by Lorde
Interpretation: The King at the time.
1 Peter
Channeled Song: “Can I Get A Witness” by Marvin Gaye
Interpretation: Testifying on Jesus’ behalf.
2 Peter
Channeled Song: “True” by Spandau Ballet
Interpretation: Asserting that his testimony was true.
1 John
Channeled Song: “Tell Me” by Groove Theory
Interpretation: Being asked his side of the story.
2 John
Channeled Song: “Encore” by Cheryl Lynn
Interpretation: Asked to testify again.
3 John
Channeled Song: “One More Time” by Daft Punk
Interpretation: Being asked clarifying questions.
Jude
Channeled Song: “Hey Jude” by The Beatles
Interpretation: Referring to a man on trial.
Revelation
Channeled Song: “Spotlight” by Jennifer Hudson
Interpretation: Shining a light on corruption in the Catholic church.
If you are able to read this book energetically, the term Holy was supposed to be a play on words. When this book was written, only 2% of the population could read. Many people read the word “whole” as “holy”. The New and Old Testaments put together was supposed to be seen as the whole story. With that being said, this book served multiple purposes. The first was a way to say that the Roman Catholic Church did tell its followers that there was, indeed, a trial that looked into allegations of abuse. The second served as a text book of sorts as some chapters are actually about historical figures. The third was to serve as a manual to diagnose psychic ability. The fourth was just a way to pass the time.
Comments
Post a Comment